just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just had sex on a roof
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
