We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
