She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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