So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
