just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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