i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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