i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
