What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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