Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
