It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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