Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Green mimosas i think yes
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
