I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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