sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
