Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
