Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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