literally had 100 drinks last night.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Are we still banned from the library?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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