I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
