my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
