Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
