I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
