I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
