omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
