If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
