i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
