He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
