when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
soo... how was my night?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
