upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize