I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
