My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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