I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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