i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
