Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
