I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Randomize
