This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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