this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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