as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
