dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
