And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
