u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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