just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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