I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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