Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
