he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
