It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
