By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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