i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How does one acquire holy water?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize