Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
