Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
