That's intense
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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