I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
