Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
