I cannot find my penis.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
