I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
