i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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