coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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