There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
