Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And then my night got REAL pukey
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
