This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She's like a pop up book from hell.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
