he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
