And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
