I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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