I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
