Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm always down for nudity.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
