In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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