I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
