It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
