i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
