Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
