You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
