My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You were trust falling into bushes
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
