I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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