i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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