Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
