She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
