Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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