We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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