i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
