Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
smell my finger.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
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