you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
