My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
