i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
