Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She told me I should be a condom model.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
