Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Randomize
