Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
