Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
