Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
bring money and cleavage
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
