We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
