I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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