What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
