hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
All the doctor said was why
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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