My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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