Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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